He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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