Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
only if we run a train.
done.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
