Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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