I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
