at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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