just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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