I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
