i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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