When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
