I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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