I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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