She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
