I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
