Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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