I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
