You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He better not be in your backpack
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
