you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
