I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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