my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
