There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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