I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
