Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
