and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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