i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
