Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
