I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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