He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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