I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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