Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
