12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize