She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
