Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Farmville is her only friend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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