he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
