just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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