Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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