I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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