your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
