3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
