Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
