I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
