I'm drive I can fine osifer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize