looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
