Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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