Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
