Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
