i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
