I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are the jesus of drinking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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