Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
