I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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