I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
