I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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