guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize