It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
