my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
