Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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