But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's rum buckets o'clock
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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