I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
