Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
