One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
