Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
