I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
