hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize