I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
