Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
