Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
