Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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