some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
