Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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