Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
