i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
