she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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