I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
