I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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