Do vagina's smell?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
