i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
