What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
