Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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