Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
