Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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