if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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